Grateful

I get in a funk at times.  I feel too busy to do anything, let alone the things I WANT to do and the things I NEED to do...Well, I do them, but not always happily.  I thought that I'd do a few posts (not in a row) about some of the things/or people I am grateful for...


Edited to add: This post is apparently brought to you by Pollyanna and "The Glad Game" she always plays in it.  :)


God - I wouldn't be here without Him.  I can ask Him for anything and He always acts in my best interest even when I don't always see that or understand that.  If you don't know Him and are interested in learning more please leave me a comment or email me at timkelly@tds.net.  (Wow.  All that is missing there is, "Touch your monitor to be saved..."  ;)  )


Jesus - He died for my sins and He loves me and everyone reading this.


My mom and dad - I gave them a hard time when they were raising me and most of it wasn't intentional, though a lot  of it might have been.  I'd like to think it all paid off for them but I don't know...I love them and the love and support they give to me, Tim and the girls.  I know without a doubt I can count on them for ANYTHING.  And they can count on me too.


My husband - I waited a long time to marry the one person I wanted to marry.  There was never anyone else.  He gives me a hard time and teases me mercilessly but that goes both ways.  :)  He picks up where I leave off or slack and the girls think he hung the moon and painted the heavens.  I can be at my very worst and feel hopeless and he can make me laugh.  Every time.  We are truly best friends and like spending all the time that we can together. 


My girls - Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty are the most beautiful parts of myself and my husband.  They are sweet, loving and kind and while I know we won't always get along or even like each other we will always love one another and be there for each other.  If I had known what I was waiting for when fighting through infertility I may have gotten through it a little better.  But I got through it anyway so it isn't all that important I suppose. This is my way of saying all that and worse would have made having them worth it.


My siblings - I have a younger sister and a much younger brother.  I am lucky.  They are both such amazing people in their own right.  They both love fiercely and with their whole being.  I know they would both do anything I asked of them for me and my family.  I would do the same for them.  And my sister and I are very close and love to get together with our kids.  To most people it probably seems like we speak in code but we both know what the other is saying, sometimes with just a glance!  


My sense of humor - Some days I'd be crying if I didn't just laugh at myself and the situations I get myself into.  It helps me cope and make light of the hard times.


My husband's job - So many people have been out of work or are out of work currently.  


A nice air conditioned home - I don't know how people lived without it years ago.  I surely wouldn't have made it!


Food on the table at night - though not always edible, it is still keeping us alive when it's not making us sick. ;)  See?  Sense of humor.  :)


More in a later post...

Graduation and Time Flies

It didn't hit me until this evening.


I graduated from high school 15 years ago today.


I couldn't be more shocked.  Not because the time has gone by so quickly but because I know it will go by faster still.  This past school year, with Cinderella in Kindergarten all day, every day the school year just seemed to fly by.  I know that the older my two girls get, the school years will go by faster than the one before it.   I will be 48 in no time.  (That is in 15 more years.)  Not that there is anything wrong with getting older.  ;)  Though apparently, after seeing the below picture, my mom doesn't age!!

Dad, me and Mom

(Now I want to go to my old bedroom and scan in a picture of me with King of the Crazies on this same night.)  I think back to that Thursday evening 15 years ago, when I was 18 and it seemed I had my whole life before me.  I remember the lavender dress I wore under my blue gown and the silver high heels I borrowed from my mom.  I remember the way I felt walking from the fairgrounds back to the school to go out with the graduating class.  I was elated.  I was FINALLY FREE!  I felt fully grown up and like I could do whatever I wanted.  I sometimes miss that young, innocent girl.   I was excited but also filled with a little worry because of the unknown.  I also knew that in a matter of weeks my heart would be broken.


After the graduation ceremony I went out all night with the kids in my graduating class and had fun. The school had sponsored it and I don't remember much of what we did, just that I had fun.  I remember I forgot my shoes so I had to borrow a friend's NINE YEAR OLD SISTER'S shoes to wear for the night.  They were Keds and had "ABC's" all over them.  HAHA  I also remember we got on Greyhound type buses to ride to where we were going.  There was laser tag and video games, good food and a lot laughter.  


I had a fun summer and continued with my job serving ice cream - HAHA- but I was already wanting time to slow down.  This would be the first of many, many times I would beg the hands of time to slow their ticking.  When summer ended I knew I would be moving to the other side of the country and leaving my friends and my soul mate.


It was hard for my mind and heart to grasp how I would marry the guy I KNEW I was going to marry when I lived over 3,000 miles away from him.  I prayed a lot and wished on a lot of stars for good measure just in case some of my prayers weren't heard.  And, of course, we both JUST KNEW we'd end up together one day.


We all know how that story ended but it was a hard road for the both of us.  I would cry myself to sleep at night and wish I would wake up older.  Funny how that works: I wanted time to speed up. In some ways it did seem to speed up.  I kept in touch off and on with my soul mate but more as a  "friend thing."  I had fun, went to school and made new friends.  About three years went by and one day I woke up not knowing it was the day my life would change forever and for the better.   I got a call from The King of the Crazies and life was never the same again.  He was coming to visit me and during that visit he said he would move here to be with me.  I never asked him to.  :)  I never promised him a future if he moved here and he knew that.  He took that leap anyway.  We've been together (again) ever since.  He moved here after seven months of dating long distance and we married about two years later.  


As I look back at the past 15 years, there are things I didn't do that I thought I would.  It wasn't all fun but a lot of it was.  I went through a lot even with The King of the Crazies by my side.  But I am happy and I have everything my 18 year old self could have dreamed for my 33 year old self.   How I wish I could go back a la "Back to the Future" and tell myself that it would all be fine, no matter how awful it seemed, it would all work out and I'd be happy. And by the way, you will marry the only one your heart ever wanted and you'll be a mommy to two gorgeous little girls.  :)

For Ladies Only

As females, we go through so very much.  A couple of those things are PMS and cramps.  And if you say you do not get cramps I may just cut you.


PMS is a nightmare.  No matter how beautiful we are, we feel fat, ugly, bloated and depressed.  And sometimes homicidal, but I digress.  It's no fun and just around the corner the real fun begins.  


More bloating.


Cramping.


Headaches or even worse, migraines.


Nothing fits.


We want to eat everything in sight.


Cranky and irritable.


All we want is chocolate or potato chips.  Sometimes, we want both.  


Heaven help the man who has to live with us.


And we want to cut everyone we see.


And then there is the obvious, which bears no mentioning.  As if it couldn't get worse from here and yet it does...


But we deal.  We have no choice in the matter really and the reward, one day, we are told will be GRAND.  Wonderful.  Beautiful.  We have the chance to make miracles!  We have the ability to have a baby when the time is right.


Only sometimes that time doesn't come when we want it to. 


Sometimes it is delayed.  And for some, that time never comes.  Ever.


It is so awful that we are raised to believe (by society) we can reproduce when we want to and have the results we want when we want them but the truth is, it doesn't work that way.  At all.


Being infertile is almost taboo.  No one talks about it.  And it is getting better.  More people are coming forward and sharing their struggles every day.  When I was going through it, it took me talking about it and sharing about it to get others to tell me they went through it too.  And it is more common than we are led to believe...


What are your thoughts on this?  Did you believe when the time was right you could have a baby when you wanted?  How did your journey to getting pregnant go?  ANYONE can reply, you don't have to have struggled for your children.


We know how mine went.  It took a while and I had to fight to keep my own body parts in my twenties.  I endured heartbreak, depression, loss, pain and anger to just name a few.  Every woman's journey to motherhood is different.  But I now have two beautiful girls and I want to help other women not give up hope.  It is so easy to feel helpless, like everyone else is pregnant and like nothing will ever go your way.


I never could have realized when I was trying to get pregnant with Cinderella that I wasn't ready to be a mom yet.  In hindsight I can see that now.  (I am not speaking for everyone this is just my story.)  When the time truly was right I did get pregnant but it was in God's time, not mine.


They were worth the wait.

Now my life is full of love and laughter.  ANd cRaZiNeSs.  I mean, where else can you see a six year old in an infant bouncy seat?  Later the three year old Sleeping Beauty had her turn.  We had this out for my nephew when he came to dinner and the girls were alllll over it!


Never, ever, ever give up hope.  Sometimes it is all we really have.  If I can help you in any way please email me - my email address is in my profile.  I am praying for those of you who are struggling and especially for the women who have reached out to me recently.  I know how it feels and I will never forget it.


James 1:17 "Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning."


1 Samuel 1:27 "For this child I prayed, and the LORD has granted me my petition which I asked of Him."

Things I Wish I Knew BEFORE I Had Babies

Dedicated to all the mommies to be and new mommies out there.

You will feel scared and out of control before your baby is born and feel you won't even know what to do with a baby - let alone take care of it. Don't worry! It comes naturally and you go into auto pilot.

The love for your baby may not be instant when you give birth. (It was for me with mine, but it is OK and normal if you do not feel a bond immediately. This does not make you a bad mom.)

Post Partum Depression does NOT make you a bad mother and if you are feeling worse than just having "The Baby Blues," call your doctor NOW!  (I dealt with this after Baby #2 and it made me feel like a horrible mother.)

No matter what birthing class/parenting class you take NOTHING can prepare for what you will experience and every birth is different. There is no way to tell you how it will be.


At the same time, no one can possibly convey to you just how much you will love your own baby.  Words are useless.

And most births and birth plans do not go according to plan. The unpredictability will be a new way of life anyway once your baby is "on the outside!"

This is awful, but upon first seeing your newborn you may think the worst. Do not be alarmed at first if your baby is blue, purple or not crying. I have a six year old who looked this way at first (and scared her father and I so much) and is healthy as can be. The birthing class tried to prepare us for this but she looked worse than I thought she would. Long and hard labors can contribute to this.

There is no way to describe labor pains if you have never been in labor. And when THE TIME comes, you WILL know!

Much like times in your pregnancy, you will cry at the drop of a hat after having the baby and this lasts a few weeks (and for some, months) and it makes you feel like a bad mother because you love your baby. This is normal.

Just because you were deemed infertile and had trouble getting pregnant at all - do NOT rule out getting pregnant after you have had a baby. Having a baby seems to reset you or something and corrected problems for me and for some of my friends.

The "afterpains" are more horrendous with each baby you have. After my second, the birth was easier but the afterpains made me hurt more than the labor and delivery of my baby.

While I have heard you forget your labor pains as soon as you see your baby that was NOT the case for me with my firstborn. It was an ordeal and the doctor was even stressed out, but obviously, over time I forgot as my three year old is here to prove.

You will get some hideously ugly clothes for your baby. And sometimes (shudder) you will have to dress your baby in them to appease the masses.

You will get more blankets than six kids can possibly use - let alone one!

Breast milk can and will shoot across the room, whether you breastfeed or not.

The hot shower makes your milk let down. This is a nightmare when trying to "dry out."

A crying baby can make your milk let down even if you are not breast feeding. And even if it is not YOUR baby!

Cabbage leaves and a sports bra can dry up your milk but it takes a while and I never enjoyed it. And dude, cabbage stinks!!

You sweat A LOT after having a baby. This is the way you get rid of a lot of that fluid. But it is seriously insane how much you sweat.

Take the crib mattress out of the bed to do the sheet change. I promise it is easier this way, especially after you drop the mattress down once the baby can sit up.

Your kid will get sick when the doctor's office is closed.

If you can (haha) have baby in October - December. Deductibles have been met so you will have less to pay...

You will have to pay a copay for EVERY visit to the pediatrician. Not to mention the medicines and just well checks are a copay. Money goes FAST. Things cost a lot more than you could ever plan for.

Fevers are the worst at night.

Fevers are generally good - it means the body is fighting off whatever is making them feel bad.

A child can throw up and then be perfectly fine with no more incidents.

Children know how to whine automatically. And you will automatically want to cut your ears off.

You will know the pharmacy staff by name and they will ask you about the kids when you are in.

Feeding your baby in the night, even though you have your baby with you (awake or asleep) you will feel alone and like you are the only one in the world awake. You aren't. Remember this when you feel alone.

If you desperately need your baby/toddler/preschooler to sleep or take a nap - it won't happen. The same goes for trying to KEEP them awake. Try to keep them awake and they are out in two minutes flat!


The "Mama Bear Instinct" is very real and can sometimes kick in before your baby is even born.

You can be eating dinner, clean up a disgusting mess or diaper, wash your hands and go back to eating as normal.

Puke is hard to wash out of hair.

You won't believe how much poop, pee, snot, spit and throw up can come out of your baby.

The infant car seat carriers just will NOT fit in the top of the shopping buggy.

If you have a newborn and a toddler they will both need you at the exact same moment and you will have to laugh so you don't cry.

You will laugh a lot to stop yourself from crying.

Sometimes, you just have to cry.

Gum WILL get stuck in hair and you'll be forced to cut it out with the only device you have: nail clippers. At church.

Always have a spare outfit for a potty training child. The one day you forget it will be when an accident occurs.

There will be diaper blow outs and you will have to clean up something worse than your nightmares can imagine.

Always buy two of everything if you have girls. Same color, exact. I am not sure if this is true for boys and I don't intend to find out.

Your baby/toddler will poop in the tub. And they will think it is funny. You will not.

Become BFF's with your child's doctors, nurses, caregivers, secretary at the doctor's office. It really does help when times get tough and they are a friend to help you out.

Bedtime will be dragged out, stalled and sometimes make you want to die.

And finally, you will break every single one of the rules you made before you HAD children.  You know, "My kid will never have a pacifier, co-sleep, eat junk food, cry, poop, etc."  ;)  


My thoughts on becoming a mother to my girls

On Being a Big Sister and a Mom

"A sister is one of the nicest things that can happen to anyone." ~ Author Unknown 

Having my two girls has afforded me the opportunity to better understand my relationship with my own sister. I see a lot of myself in both girls but I also see some of my little sister in them. One of my girls may as well BE my sister or HER child, they are so similar. I am more sympathetic to the role of a younger sister now. I see the injustices that happen to the baby sister - waiting to get go to the Big Kid School, spend the night with friends and slumber parties, earn privileges and responsibilities, etc. The younger sister is told over and over again that they have to "get bigger first." Nothing appears to be fair to the younger one. Conversely, the baby gets away with more with mom and dad and they get to be The Baby with less responsibilities and expectations. Of course life is unfair and we all learn that early. It will only get more unfair the older we get. But there are injustices to being the older one too. Cinderella was forced to grow up faster than Sleeping Beauty. She was helping me with Baby Sleeping Beauty before she was even three years old. She had to become more independent in many ways because I always had a baby in my arms. And she did well but a part of my heart broke for her. She was no longer The Baby. The night before I had Sleeping Beauty (I just knew I'd have her the next day, and I did) we were finishing up dinner and sitting around talking. Cinderella had climbed up into her daddy's lap. 

Brand new Baby Me and my Mom

All was right with the world.


It was just The Three of Us. 

Little Me Circa 1979

Then I started crying.  I was 38 weeks and one day pregnant, tired and large.  Life was about to change BIG TIME.  I was a hot mess of hormones.  I suddenly (yes, just then) realized I'd have TWO GIRLS that depended on me for almost everything.  (I guess I should share at some point  how very hard this pregnancy was for me emotionally.  I cried A LOT at first.  I didn't think I could handle two kids but God knew better - thankfully.)  I am so glad I got through the dark times and can now enjoy my two girls.  But it is NOT easy and I do get tired, cranky and fed up.  I fall asleep praying I can parent one (you know who) the way she needs to be parented and that I have the strength and resolve to do so.   I may share more on the emotional aspects of my pregnancies and raising two girls at a  later date.  


My last birthday (2nd) as an only child  ;) with my dad:

I was ALL ABOUT Mickey and I do remember this cake.

Anyway, when I was asked what was wrong the night before I had Sleeping Beauty, I told The King of the Crazies, "Cinderella probably won't remember life before her sister."  It made me sad that she wouldn't be the center of our universe anymore and sadder still that she wouldn't remember the time when she was.  Now do NOT get me wrong.  She still is, but she shares the stage with her little sister.  Then right after I answered him I remembered all the fun I had growing up with a sister.  The tears were short lived and Cinderella happily grasped hold of her new, more grown up role of The Big Sister.  It took me a little longer, in all honesty, to get used to having two kids instead of one.  It wasn't until I was about three or four months out after having Sleeping Beauty that I felt even remotely capable of taking care of the both of them on my own.  Cinderella remembers bits and pieces of her life before Sleeping Beauty just as I remember bits and pieces of my life before my little sister came along.  But it wasn't necessarily a better life without our baby sisters - contrary to what I used to tell my sister  ;)  - before our sisters came into our lives and into our hearts...It was just different. And as I said, I remember very little of my life before being a Big Sister.  What I do recall comes to me in the form of flashback photos and often times it is random.  It is crazy how that is but I can remember some things in great detail.  After the addition of  a Baby Sister, for me and for Cinderella, there was more love, more hugs and more kisses to go around.  Best of all, they will ALWAYS have someone to play with just like I did and they share many of their friends even now.


"You keep your past by having sisters.  As you get older, they're the only ones who don't get bored if you talk about your memories."  ~Deborah Moggach


"We know one another's faults, virtues, catastrophes, mortifications, triumphs, rivalries, desires, and how long we can each hang by our hands to a bar.  We have been banded together under pack codes and tribal laws."  ~Rose Macaulay


I think this picture of me (right) with my mom and sister is HI-LARIOUS! 

Maybe still not sure about my new sister. 1980

"A sister is a gift to the heart, a friend to the spirit, a golden thread to the meaning of life."  ~Isadora James

Keeping my baby safe - early 80's

As sisters we share our childhood memories.  I saw this one going through my picture files and knew I had to post it for my sister:

"Sisters don't need words.  They have perfected a language of snarls and smiles and frowns and winks - expressions of shocked surprise and incredulity and disbelief.  Sniffs and snorts and gasps and sighs - that can undermine any tale you're telling."  ~Pam Brown


A sentence.  A glance.  A familiar smell or a facial expression between me and my sister can speak volumes.  It can speak years of history.  Some (most) of the best memories I have from my childhood have my sister right there with me.  I am hoping my girls have the same relationship with one another.


"You can kid the world.  But not your sister."  ~Charlotte Gray

Living it up in Italy 80's style!  (I am on the left.)

As is normal, growing up we did have squabbles.  Many of them were ugly.  Most of them involved clothes or makeup.  But we always moved past it fast and to this day I will forgive my sister faster than most anyone because I love her so much.  She (and her husband) are the people we (Tim and I)  entrust the kids with if something happened to both of us because she is the closest thing (or person) there is to me and it wouldn't be so hard on the kids to be without us if they had her.  With my girls, I do sometimes see "The Green Eyed Monster" (what my mom calls jealousy) but I try my best to keep jealousy and resentment at bay.  They are best friends.  They will know one another longer than they will know me and their daddy.  We are talking a lifetime here.  They are lucky to have each other. During fights that sentence almost seemed like a slap in the face to me and my sister.  Yet, it is true.  I tell my girls almost daily that they are "Lucky to have each other" and sometimes, for good measure, I throw in that you really don't get to live together for much of your life, I no longer live with my sister and I miss her, etc.   I sometimes get the response from Sleeping Beauty, "That's right.  Now, come here" while gesturing for her big sister to come and give her a hug.  :)


"Sister is probably the most competitive relationship within the family, but once the sisters are grown, it becomes the strongest relationship."  ~Margaret Mead

This is an older picture but I always liked it.

I have loved having a sister, even when she didn't love having me.  :)  Even when we didn't like each other, we always loved each other.  And if you don't know what I mean by that then you probably don't have a sister.  ;)  


"If you don't understand how a woman could both love her sister dearly and want to wring her neck at the same time, then you were probably an only child."  ~Linda Sunshine


Recently having a sister got even better.  Amy had probably figured this "perk" out about six years before me when she became on aunt. ;)  

Days old Baby Cinderella

And again about three and a half years ago...

Brand new Baby Sleeping Beauty

Three months ago she brought a little piece of herself into our world with her baby boy.  I loved him the second I knew he was on his way, even before I knew if he was a boy or girl.  I can't imagine living without him in my world and I can't remember how we ever did.  It seems he has always been a part of us just like my two girls and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Me and a week old prince

The bond of a sister is nearly unbreakable.  I can't imagine a time in my life without her there beside me and she obviously, being the younger sister, cannot imagine a time in her life without me.  I know I will always have her and she knows she will always have me.  And I hope the same is true for my two princesses.   

Somehow...

I have a feeling it will be.

"Bless you, my darling, and remember you are always in the heart - oh tucked so close there is no chance of escape - of your sister."  ~Katherine Mansfield

:o)

My Girls

Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty are outside (today is a school holiday) swinging in the beautiful Spring-like weather.  I am right inside the window, with it open, watching them and even more amusing, listening to them.


They, ages almost six and three, are planning for one of the happiest days of their lives.  They are planning their wedding days. 


While I know, Lord willing, I have many, many years left with them being here at home...my heart aches.


I also heard, "When I get old like Mommy..."  I blacked out after that, came to, and decided to write the following...


Wasn't this just a few weeks ago?!

Cinderella:

Believe me, I look good for what I just went through.


Our Heiress (says that on her nightie)

Swingin' it up!

Photo credit Jon

 "Mother Theresa"

Cinderella is so very special.  She was our first and we fought, prayed and cried to get her here.  Infertility is a horrible, nasty thing to experience and I will never shy away from sharing about our experiences with it.  Yes, it made us stronger, refined us and taught us patience (boy did it ever).  But it also devastated us and made us question everything.   There must have been a reason we suffered through so much.  Maybe so I could tell our story.  But then, God blessed us with her.  She is the single best thing that has ever happened to me.  Aside from her daddy and sister, of course.  Everyone that knows her loves her.  She is not catty or selfish and loves to play with her little sister.   I experienced motherhood first with her and we will always have that bond.  We lived through so many "firsts" together and she has taught me a lot.  I am still learning.  She is my mini-me.  She made me a mommy, King of the Crazies a daddy, my sister an aunt, my brother an uncle and taught my parents how to be "NanaPa."  She has made all our lives better for having her in it.  I can't believe she is almost six years old.


Or this?!  This was surely yesterday...

Sleeping Beauty: 

 This is still a favorite.

Photo Credit My Dad

Photo Credit My Dad 

See how big the outfit is?  It was Preemie size!
 (Next three by my Dad)

I still have this one up in my bedroom. 

Cinderella meets Sleeping Beauty!

This is another favorite - my sis, me and my mom (Nana)

By Dad

 The 3 Crazy Gals

I was only in labor for 17 hours with Sleeping Beauty but her actual birth was amazing and easy compared to her big sister.  I mean, I did deliver her.  I don't know what it is about Sleeping Beauty, maybe because she was such a gift from God after the struggle to get pregnant with her big sister, but when I gave birth to her and welcomed her into this world and looked at her, I knew her.  Funny how that is sometimes.  She is an old soul, wise beyond her short three years and very  intuitive.  Plus, I got to hold her straightway and not wait for over an hour because she was in distress like her big sister. With Cinderella, it was all traumatic and rough and yes, a longer labor than 17 hours.  Even the doctor said she had never been so stressed out!  :o/  Nevertheless, I loved her immediately and so happy to finally put her face with her name.  The minute I saw her I would have taken down anyone who got in my way or hurt my baby!  But it was worth all I went through for both my girls.  I would do it again to have them here.  :o)

Thank goodness they are only almost six and three.

Simply Amazed

I think there are grown ups who do not understand some of the things my three year old does.  Today we were listening to "My Immortal" by Evanescence.  If you have not heard it or don't know what I am talking about - watch the video (below) or listen to the song.  It is one of the most hauntingly beautiful songs I have ever heard.  I have to try not to cry when I hear it.  

Here are the lyrics but you MUST listen to it:

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
[Chorus:]
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
[Chorus]

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
[Chorus] 

There could be many meanings behind this song but to me I take it as a woman who wanted to free her soul (the cloths tied to various places on her body made my think she was being held hostage by the memories).  She wanted to free herself from this man (not ending her life but the bad circumstances in her life) as he was just a shell of a being now - due to bad ways, abusiveness, drugs, whatever.  She will always be bound to the memories of what was - when life was good between the two of them, before it all went bad.  What a heartbreaking struggle - for what was and what will never be.


This song could also be about losing someone and not being able to do a thing to stop it from happening.   The pain that is to come is too much to bear.  


While listening to this today Sleeping Beauty said to me, "Oh Mommy!  She's heartbroken.  She is crying.  Her Prince  Charming must have drowned in her tears!"  She didn't see the video - we were in the car.  And while I doubt he "drowned in her tears" I know that she understood.  I am just amazed at her ability to understand love so completely.  I think we are raising two young ladies who will really touch some lives one day.   I know I've already been changed.


Thank you for coming here - no matter what the reason.  :o)


Happy Valentine's Day!

25 Years

To quote the President at the time, Ronald Reagan:  The crew of the space shuttle Challenger honored us by the manner in which they lived their lives. We will never forget them, nor the last time we saw them, this morning, as they prepared for their journey and waved goodbye and "slipped the surly bonds of earth" to "touch the face of God."


I still see this image in my head:

Photo Credit ABC News


January 28, 1986.


I can remember that day like it was just last week.  I had hoped and dreamed about one day going into Space and my dreams died right along with the crew on the Challenger. 73 seconds was all it took.  They were gone, buried in Space.   It was the first tragedy I had ever witnessed in my young life and one I will never forget.  We lived in Italy at the time and the news was obviously in Italian.  I understood completely what had happened as I watched the launch from the floor of our living room, right in front of the TV set.  My heart was broken for the school teacher who got the chance of a lifetime and lost her life.  I still love Space, stars and all that goes along with it but that day a part of my childhood innocence was lost.  I realized fully for the first time in my life that bad things happen to good people.  


I am remembering these families today.

The crew of Space Shuttle mission STS-51-L pose for their official portrait on November 15, 1985. In the back row from left to right: Ellison S. Onizuka, Sharon Christa McAuliffe (the teacher), Greg Jarvis, and Judy Resnik. In the front row from left to right: Michael J. Smith, Dick Scobee, and Ron McNair. 

The photo is S85-44253 from the Johnson Space Center

And the Plagues Rained Upon Us...

We had a great Christmas Day.  Christmas break could have been better but no one was sick on Christmas Day so I'll live.  It seemed we were being attacked with every germ known to man. The King of the Crazies and I feel like every time we have time off together we end up with someone sick and trapped inside the house.  And yes, I KNOW, it could be worse but when you are in the middle of it, living it, for TWO WEEKS it doesn't seem that way.  Cabin fever, anyone?!


Allow me to grumble...


It started with Cinderella getting sick AT SCHOOL all over the place the day school was to let out for Christmas.  She missed most of the festivities and was sick for a few days.  No one else got sick.  My husband thinks I am a nut but I read something online and tried it and the rest of us did not get it.  :)


Off and on Sleeping Beauty gets a cough and a cold.  Almost immediately she will go from being fine to a cough and minutes later she's wheezing.  She has asthma and soon we will be seeing a specialist for it.  So add that to the mix.  She was put on using her nebulizer two times a day and then given a steroid in the neb too.


The day after Christmas I had a tooth problem and when I got it fixed, they broke something else and I had to wait until yesterday to get that fixed.  Serenity now!


Sleeping Beauty got a rash but it was localized - not like an allergic reaction.  I treated it and it went away.  Two days later she went down for a nap and emerged COVERED in hives. Poor baby was allergic to her new steroid treatment.  We stopped that and are continuing with the Albuterol twice a day - upon direction from her Nurse Practitioner.  The hives were HUGE welts and she looked like she had third degree burns.  I have never seen them so bad (I get them from time to time.) 


Guess what next??


Pink eye for Cinderella.  One eye only.


The next day?  Pink eye times two for Sleeping Beauty.  For days in a row (even after having the same treatment as her big sister) she'd wake with her eyes sealed shut courtesy of the pink eye.  Three days ago it took me TWENTY MINUTES when she first  woke up to get her eyes open - or unstuck.  She was saying, "I can't see you, Mommy."  She wasn't panicked and was patient.  BUT...THAT was apparently not enough for my sweet little sprite.  She was off her steroid (that seemed to be working except for, ya know, the allergic reaction) and she got really sick, really fast too as has been the case for the last couple months.  As soon as she'd get well, she'd get sick again.  :(  And then we'd end up back at the doctor.  We got different eye drops for her and she was so congested she had gunk coming out of her eyes!  On TOP of the pink eye!  She is on Flovent now two times a day via an inhaler and she is still doing her nebulizer two times a day.  We are doing this for a month to see how she fairs.  The antibiotic is really helping her too.


My nephew is due a month from today!  Can't wait to meet him!


So, that's where I've been.  :)  Updates will be slow coming.  I have a baby shower for my sister coming up and getting Cinderella back into her routine and I am continuing to bulldoze my home.


Here are the gals today:

Doing well and looking cute.  ;)