For Ladies Only

As females, we go through so very much.  A couple of those things are PMS and cramps.  And if you say you do not get cramps I may just cut you.


PMS is a nightmare.  No matter how beautiful we are, we feel fat, ugly, bloated and depressed.  And sometimes homicidal, but I digress.  It's no fun and just around the corner the real fun begins.  


More bloating.


Cramping.


Headaches or even worse, migraines.


Nothing fits.


We want to eat everything in sight.


Cranky and irritable.


All we want is chocolate or potato chips.  Sometimes, we want both.  


Heaven help the man who has to live with us.


And we want to cut everyone we see.


And then there is the obvious, which bears no mentioning.  As if it couldn't get worse from here and yet it does...


But we deal.  We have no choice in the matter really and the reward, one day, we are told will be GRAND.  Wonderful.  Beautiful.  We have the chance to make miracles!  We have the ability to have a baby when the time is right.


Only sometimes that time doesn't come when we want it to. 


Sometimes it is delayed.  And for some, that time never comes.  Ever.


It is so awful that we are raised to believe (by society) we can reproduce when we want to and have the results we want when we want them but the truth is, it doesn't work that way.  At all.


Being infertile is almost taboo.  No one talks about it.  And it is getting better.  More people are coming forward and sharing their struggles every day.  When I was going through it, it took me talking about it and sharing about it to get others to tell me they went through it too.  And it is more common than we are led to believe...


What are your thoughts on this?  Did you believe when the time was right you could have a baby when you wanted?  How did your journey to getting pregnant go?  ANYONE can reply, you don't have to have struggled for your children.


We know how mine went.  It took a while and I had to fight to keep my own body parts in my twenties.  I endured heartbreak, depression, loss, pain and anger to just name a few.  Every woman's journey to motherhood is different.  But I now have two beautiful girls and I want to help other women not give up hope.  It is so easy to feel helpless, like everyone else is pregnant and like nothing will ever go your way.


I never could have realized when I was trying to get pregnant with Cinderella that I wasn't ready to be a mom yet.  In hindsight I can see that now.  (I am not speaking for everyone this is just my story.)  When the time truly was right I did get pregnant but it was in God's time, not mine.


They were worth the wait.

Now my life is full of love and laughter.  ANd cRaZiNeSs.  I mean, where else can you see a six year old in an infant bouncy seat?  Later the three year old Sleeping Beauty had her turn.  We had this out for my nephew when he came to dinner and the girls were alllll over it!


Never, ever, ever give up hope.  Sometimes it is all we really have.  If I can help you in any way please email me - my email address is in my profile.  I am praying for those of you who are struggling and especially for the women who have reached out to me recently.  I know how it feels and I will never forget it.


James 1:17 "Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning."


1 Samuel 1:27 "For this child I prayed, and the LORD has granted me my petition which I asked of Him."

Things I Wish I Knew BEFORE I Had Babies

Dedicated to all the mommies to be and new mommies out there.

You will feel scared and out of control before your baby is born and feel you won't even know what to do with a baby - let alone take care of it. Don't worry! It comes naturally and you go into auto pilot.

The love for your baby may not be instant when you give birth. (It was for me with mine, but it is OK and normal if you do not feel a bond immediately. This does not make you a bad mom.)

Post Partum Depression does NOT make you a bad mother and if you are feeling worse than just having "The Baby Blues," call your doctor NOW!  (I dealt with this after Baby #2 and it made me feel like a horrible mother.)

No matter what birthing class/parenting class you take NOTHING can prepare for what you will experience and every birth is different. There is no way to tell you how it will be.


At the same time, no one can possibly convey to you just how much you will love your own baby.  Words are useless.

And most births and birth plans do not go according to plan. The unpredictability will be a new way of life anyway once your baby is "on the outside!"

This is awful, but upon first seeing your newborn you may think the worst. Do not be alarmed at first if your baby is blue, purple or not crying. I have a six year old who looked this way at first (and scared her father and I so much) and is healthy as can be. The birthing class tried to prepare us for this but she looked worse than I thought she would. Long and hard labors can contribute to this.

There is no way to describe labor pains if you have never been in labor. And when THE TIME comes, you WILL know!

Much like times in your pregnancy, you will cry at the drop of a hat after having the baby and this lasts a few weeks (and for some, months) and it makes you feel like a bad mother because you love your baby. This is normal.

Just because you were deemed infertile and had trouble getting pregnant at all - do NOT rule out getting pregnant after you have had a baby. Having a baby seems to reset you or something and corrected problems for me and for some of my friends.

The "afterpains" are more horrendous with each baby you have. After my second, the birth was easier but the afterpains made me hurt more than the labor and delivery of my baby.

While I have heard you forget your labor pains as soon as you see your baby that was NOT the case for me with my firstborn. It was an ordeal and the doctor was even stressed out, but obviously, over time I forgot as my three year old is here to prove.

You will get some hideously ugly clothes for your baby. And sometimes (shudder) you will have to dress your baby in them to appease the masses.

You will get more blankets than six kids can possibly use - let alone one!

Breast milk can and will shoot across the room, whether you breastfeed or not.

The hot shower makes your milk let down. This is a nightmare when trying to "dry out."

A crying baby can make your milk let down even if you are not breast feeding. And even if it is not YOUR baby!

Cabbage leaves and a sports bra can dry up your milk but it takes a while and I never enjoyed it. And dude, cabbage stinks!!

You sweat A LOT after having a baby. This is the way you get rid of a lot of that fluid. But it is seriously insane how much you sweat.

Take the crib mattress out of the bed to do the sheet change. I promise it is easier this way, especially after you drop the mattress down once the baby can sit up.

Your kid will get sick when the doctor's office is closed.

If you can (haha) have baby in October - December. Deductibles have been met so you will have less to pay...

You will have to pay a copay for EVERY visit to the pediatrician. Not to mention the medicines and just well checks are a copay. Money goes FAST. Things cost a lot more than you could ever plan for.

Fevers are the worst at night.

Fevers are generally good - it means the body is fighting off whatever is making them feel bad.

A child can throw up and then be perfectly fine with no more incidents.

Children know how to whine automatically. And you will automatically want to cut your ears off.

You will know the pharmacy staff by name and they will ask you about the kids when you are in.

Feeding your baby in the night, even though you have your baby with you (awake or asleep) you will feel alone and like you are the only one in the world awake. You aren't. Remember this when you feel alone.

If you desperately need your baby/toddler/preschooler to sleep or take a nap - it won't happen. The same goes for trying to KEEP them awake. Try to keep them awake and they are out in two minutes flat!


The "Mama Bear Instinct" is very real and can sometimes kick in before your baby is even born.

You can be eating dinner, clean up a disgusting mess or diaper, wash your hands and go back to eating as normal.

Puke is hard to wash out of hair.

You won't believe how much poop, pee, snot, spit and throw up can come out of your baby.

The infant car seat carriers just will NOT fit in the top of the shopping buggy.

If you have a newborn and a toddler they will both need you at the exact same moment and you will have to laugh so you don't cry.

You will laugh a lot to stop yourself from crying.

Sometimes, you just have to cry.

Gum WILL get stuck in hair and you'll be forced to cut it out with the only device you have: nail clippers. At church.

Always have a spare outfit for a potty training child. The one day you forget it will be when an accident occurs.

There will be diaper blow outs and you will have to clean up something worse than your nightmares can imagine.

Always buy two of everything if you have girls. Same color, exact. I am not sure if this is true for boys and I don't intend to find out.

Your baby/toddler will poop in the tub. And they will think it is funny. You will not.

Become BFF's with your child's doctors, nurses, caregivers, secretary at the doctor's office. It really does help when times get tough and they are a friend to help you out.

Bedtime will be dragged out, stalled and sometimes make you want to die.

And finally, you will break every single one of the rules you made before you HAD children.  You know, "My kid will never have a pacifier, co-sleep, eat junk food, cry, poop, etc."  ;)  


My thoughts on becoming a mother to my girls

On Being a Big Sister and a Mom

"A sister is one of the nicest things that can happen to anyone." ~ Author Unknown 

Having my two girls has afforded me the opportunity to better understand my relationship with my own sister. I see a lot of myself in both girls but I also see some of my little sister in them. One of my girls may as well BE my sister or HER child, they are so similar. I am more sympathetic to the role of a younger sister now. I see the injustices that happen to the baby sister - waiting to get go to the Big Kid School, spend the night with friends and slumber parties, earn privileges and responsibilities, etc. The younger sister is told over and over again that they have to "get bigger first." Nothing appears to be fair to the younger one. Conversely, the baby gets away with more with mom and dad and they get to be The Baby with less responsibilities and expectations. Of course life is unfair and we all learn that early. It will only get more unfair the older we get. But there are injustices to being the older one too. Cinderella was forced to grow up faster than Sleeping Beauty. She was helping me with Baby Sleeping Beauty before she was even three years old. She had to become more independent in many ways because I always had a baby in my arms. And she did well but a part of my heart broke for her. She was no longer The Baby. The night before I had Sleeping Beauty (I just knew I'd have her the next day, and I did) we were finishing up dinner and sitting around talking. Cinderella had climbed up into her daddy's lap. 

Brand new Baby Me and my Mom

All was right with the world.


It was just The Three of Us. 

Little Me Circa 1979

Then I started crying.  I was 38 weeks and one day pregnant, tired and large.  Life was about to change BIG TIME.  I was a hot mess of hormones.  I suddenly (yes, just then) realized I'd have TWO GIRLS that depended on me for almost everything.  (I guess I should share at some point  how very hard this pregnancy was for me emotionally.  I cried A LOT at first.  I didn't think I could handle two kids but God knew better - thankfully.)  I am so glad I got through the dark times and can now enjoy my two girls.  But it is NOT easy and I do get tired, cranky and fed up.  I fall asleep praying I can parent one (you know who) the way she needs to be parented and that I have the strength and resolve to do so.   I may share more on the emotional aspects of my pregnancies and raising two girls at a  later date.  


My last birthday (2nd) as an only child  ;) with my dad:

I was ALL ABOUT Mickey and I do remember this cake.

Anyway, when I was asked what was wrong the night before I had Sleeping Beauty, I told The King of the Crazies, "Cinderella probably won't remember life before her sister."  It made me sad that she wouldn't be the center of our universe anymore and sadder still that she wouldn't remember the time when she was.  Now do NOT get me wrong.  She still is, but she shares the stage with her little sister.  Then right after I answered him I remembered all the fun I had growing up with a sister.  The tears were short lived and Cinderella happily grasped hold of her new, more grown up role of The Big Sister.  It took me a little longer, in all honesty, to get used to having two kids instead of one.  It wasn't until I was about three or four months out after having Sleeping Beauty that I felt even remotely capable of taking care of the both of them on my own.  Cinderella remembers bits and pieces of her life before Sleeping Beauty just as I remember bits and pieces of my life before my little sister came along.  But it wasn't necessarily a better life without our baby sisters - contrary to what I used to tell my sister  ;)  - before our sisters came into our lives and into our hearts...It was just different. And as I said, I remember very little of my life before being a Big Sister.  What I do recall comes to me in the form of flashback photos and often times it is random.  It is crazy how that is but I can remember some things in great detail.  After the addition of  a Baby Sister, for me and for Cinderella, there was more love, more hugs and more kisses to go around.  Best of all, they will ALWAYS have someone to play with just like I did and they share many of their friends even now.


"You keep your past by having sisters.  As you get older, they're the only ones who don't get bored if you talk about your memories."  ~Deborah Moggach


"We know one another's faults, virtues, catastrophes, mortifications, triumphs, rivalries, desires, and how long we can each hang by our hands to a bar.  We have been banded together under pack codes and tribal laws."  ~Rose Macaulay


I think this picture of me (right) with my mom and sister is HI-LARIOUS! 

Maybe still not sure about my new sister. 1980

"A sister is a gift to the heart, a friend to the spirit, a golden thread to the meaning of life."  ~Isadora James

Keeping my baby safe - early 80's

As sisters we share our childhood memories.  I saw this one going through my picture files and knew I had to post it for my sister:

"Sisters don't need words.  They have perfected a language of snarls and smiles and frowns and winks - expressions of shocked surprise and incredulity and disbelief.  Sniffs and snorts and gasps and sighs - that can undermine any tale you're telling."  ~Pam Brown


A sentence.  A glance.  A familiar smell or a facial expression between me and my sister can speak volumes.  It can speak years of history.  Some (most) of the best memories I have from my childhood have my sister right there with me.  I am hoping my girls have the same relationship with one another.


"You can kid the world.  But not your sister."  ~Charlotte Gray

Living it up in Italy 80's style!  (I am on the left.)

As is normal, growing up we did have squabbles.  Many of them were ugly.  Most of them involved clothes or makeup.  But we always moved past it fast and to this day I will forgive my sister faster than most anyone because I love her so much.  She (and her husband) are the people we (Tim and I)  entrust the kids with if something happened to both of us because she is the closest thing (or person) there is to me and it wouldn't be so hard on the kids to be without us if they had her.  With my girls, I do sometimes see "The Green Eyed Monster" (what my mom calls jealousy) but I try my best to keep jealousy and resentment at bay.  They are best friends.  They will know one another longer than they will know me and their daddy.  We are talking a lifetime here.  They are lucky to have each other. During fights that sentence almost seemed like a slap in the face to me and my sister.  Yet, it is true.  I tell my girls almost daily that they are "Lucky to have each other" and sometimes, for good measure, I throw in that you really don't get to live together for much of your life, I no longer live with my sister and I miss her, etc.   I sometimes get the response from Sleeping Beauty, "That's right.  Now, come here" while gesturing for her big sister to come and give her a hug.  :)


"Sister is probably the most competitive relationship within the family, but once the sisters are grown, it becomes the strongest relationship."  ~Margaret Mead

This is an older picture but I always liked it.

I have loved having a sister, even when she didn't love having me.  :)  Even when we didn't like each other, we always loved each other.  And if you don't know what I mean by that then you probably don't have a sister.  ;)  


"If you don't understand how a woman could both love her sister dearly and want to wring her neck at the same time, then you were probably an only child."  ~Linda Sunshine


Recently having a sister got even better.  Amy had probably figured this "perk" out about six years before me when she became on aunt. ;)  

Days old Baby Cinderella

And again about three and a half years ago...

Brand new Baby Sleeping Beauty

Three months ago she brought a little piece of herself into our world with her baby boy.  I loved him the second I knew he was on his way, even before I knew if he was a boy or girl.  I can't imagine living without him in my world and I can't remember how we ever did.  It seems he has always been a part of us just like my two girls and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Me and a week old prince

The bond of a sister is nearly unbreakable.  I can't imagine a time in my life without her there beside me and she obviously, being the younger sister, cannot imagine a time in her life without me.  I know I will always have her and she knows she will always have me.  And I hope the same is true for my two princesses.   

Somehow...

I have a feeling it will be.

"Bless you, my darling, and remember you are always in the heart - oh tucked so close there is no chance of escape - of your sister."  ~Katherine Mansfield

:o)

Infertility and My Babies

**I am putting this out here to help someone who may be in the shoes I once had to wear.  What shoes?!  The shoes of an infertile, heartbroken woman.  Though I am no longer in those shoes; no longer heartbroken with empty arms, I don't want to forget how it felt back then.  Everything felt hopeless. It truly makes me appreciate what who I have been given. I want to help someone else who may be wearing those shoes.  I want the women who feel they have no hope to have hope.  Some of it is embarrassing for me to share but I am tired of people being quiet about infertility.  I am speaking out.  Please keep in mind this is an abbreviated version even though it is still long.  And most importantly, never give up hope.  It happened for me.  I pray it can happen for you too.**

With the holidays upon us, I feel it necessary to share some of the things for which I am thankful. I had planned to add something that I was thankful for at the end of each blog post and that hasn't happened. Having a good memory is not something I can be thankful for because that is not one of my gifts. :) I wanted to talk a little bit about a long and lonely journey I lived through: Infertility.

You will notice from the pictures in the sidebar, I have not one, but TWO gorgeous girls. :o) One is five and a half and one just turned three.  Hang on, it was a bumpy ride and some of it is painful for me to share.

Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty

I must share a little more on them. Or rather, what it took to GET them here. When I was younger, maybe 14 years old I KNEW something was wrong with my "woman parts." Doctors agreed, I was put on birth control pills to help with the symptoms and I sent on my merry way to get some ibuprofen. I would miss a few days every month of school because I was too sick to move.  Women on my dad's side of the family notoriously have to have a hysterectomy young.  We just don't seem to be able to keep all our parts.  ;o)


I would later find out that I would have to fight to keep my own parts in my own body.  I had to tell doctors that they were wrong, that I would live with it, somehow, just so I could be a mommy.  I cried and fought and I begged and I pleaded.  With the doctors, sometimes my family, and with my own body.


Years and years of suffering later I found out I had endometriosis. This disease put me through about four surgeries in my early twenties. Why? I was in chronic pain, not just monthly anymore and left untreated, endometriosis can leave a woman barren. Sometimes I couldn't even get out of the bed. Sometimes the laparoscopic surgeries and the removing or burning of the endometriosis helped. Sometimes it did not. If it did, the relief was short lived. I wasn't going through these surgeries and procedures just for temporary relief. I was putting myself, my family and my future husband through this for the chance to maybe have ONE baby one day. I still have the pictures, (though I have NO idea where they are) and I probably sound crazy to some of you, but after the fourth surgery something amazing or miraculous happened. All signs and traces of the disease were gone. A disease that has NO CURE. Even a scar I had across my uterus (no one knew how or why it was there to begin with) was gone. No one knew how to explain why it was gone. My dad knew. He told that doctor it was God. And it was. :) The doctor had to agree. Those painful problems, for the most part, were in the past.

I got engaged and five months later we got married.

I thought I would get married, get pregnant a couple months later as is the tradition in our family if you marry in November, but no.

A few months went by.

A few more months went by.

Then a year went by.

We had a faint positive pregnancy test at some point in there but we didn't even get to celebrate it as it was over as quickly as it began. It was painful and scary and many people still don't know about it but I felt we didn't need to upset anyone more than we needed to.

And it didn't happen again. No more faint positive lines.

By this time we had seen a Reproductive Endocrinologist (who had done my previous surgeries) and he began working with us so we could have a baby.

We did everything the doctor said to do. Private things became public and we felt like all the love that was supposed to create our baby was taken away. So much is taken away when you are diagnosed with infertility. I felt like a science experiment and my poor husband comforted me every month when the answer was "No." I cannot stress to you how heartbreaking infertility is. It makes you question everything.

You get poked and you get prodded. You get shots and medicines that make you feel like you are the hardest person to live with and you feel fat and just plain crazy.

The last time we tried IUI (I put this in abbreviated form so those not wanting to read anything too graphic can skip it) was a no go. I had two eggs, stimulated by the drug Clomid. This drug alone made me feel pregnant. I was moody and cranky and felt like a crazier person that I normally do. The doctor told us that the eggs were not big enough and we would not do the IUI this time.

At this point I gave up trying to make it happen. IVF was the only hope in my getting pregnant. I told the doctor that we would do IVF but I would need to work a couple of years to get the money to do it. Our insurance did not (and may still not) cover such things.

I was OK. I lived through what I didn't think was possible. I prayed and now that I look back, I didn't give up.

I gave it to God.

A few weeks later I felt different. The mere mention of one of my favorite foods made me feel like I'd hurl a million times. I thought, "Could it be?! Are you serious?!" It was time to go buy a home pregnancy test. I could not wait any longer! It was Father's Day 2004 and I found out I was pregnant. The line was faint like before, but not as faint. And I felt different this time as well. The sickness was heightened. I was pretty sure there was more than one baby in there. We have twins in our family and there is a higher occurrence of multiples on the fertility medicines I was taking.

We would find out later that I was indeed pregnant with twins. We lost one at nine weeks. Once again, my world came tumbling down. It didn't seem to affect anyone else the way it did me. I didn't want to seem ungrateful to God because I was getting ONE baby and that's all I had ever hoped and prayed for but part of me hurt and longed for that other baby. And to be even crazier, I am sure it was a boy. I put on a happy face because I was pregnant and yes, I was happy. But I was sad too. I kept the hurt inside though and moved on.

I guess having twins was not meant to be and God knows what He is doing because if I had had the twins I probably would not have my Sleeping Beauty and I cannot and will not imagine my life without her.

Merry Hallow-giving?!

Am I the only one noticing that the Christmas decorations are out in the stores earlier each year? Did I forget to take my crazy pills?!

I have always laughed at the fact that the stores seem to push the selling of items for Christmas and its decorations extremely early. In the summer months the malls would have the "Back to School" sales start with specials on clothing for the fall and for school. Then with those, the introduction of fall decor: Pumpkins, scarecrows, decorations for the home in oranges, browns, burgundies, and dark yellows.

The notebooks, pencils, folders, paste that the weird kids ate and backpacks are out next. As a little girl, this was the very worst sight to behold during my months of summer fun. My sister felt the same way. Our days of roller skating in the garage were coming to an end. I felt the end of the world was near and that before I would know it, I'd be back in school, day in and day out. I felt I would be held hostage by the state and forced to learn things I didn't want to learn. I wanted to play!! Never mind the fact that I still had plenty of time. Drama, anyone?! Where do my princesses get being drama queens from?! When one is a child, Christmas takes what seems like ten years to come and summer is over in a matter of days. Consequently, the opposite it true once one is a parent. Funny how life works. School starts as early as August in some states and as late as September, after Labor Day, in others. The school supplies would be out in the stores around Independence Day and depending on where we were living, the summer was either just getting started or winding down in my mind. My dad was in the Navy so we were like ping pong balls, moving from coast to coast, country to country. Some summers really were shorter than others when we left an area that got out for the summer later and moved to area that started school in early August. Those times blew chunks. No matter where we were, I could feel the days slipping by...faster and faster. It was as if, as the days moved forward and toward the days I would be trapped in school, someone, maybe my worn out mom, ;o) was pressing a fast forward button.

I soon reconciled myself to the days of "homework first, then play time." I would look forward to my birthday in the middle of October and Halloween! Halloween is still one of my very favorite holidays and a lot of my most cherished childhood memories were on this holiday. My mom would make our costumes as young children and sometimes Halloween snacks for our classes at school. We'd eat her homemade chili, a tradition I now have with my own family, and then my dad would take my sister and me out Trick-or-Treating. Then, several years later, my little brother came along and my dad would take the three of us out while my mom stayed home and handed out candy to all the little princesses, super heroes, witches and such.

My younger sister (left) and me

                            

Halloween in the early 1980's. 

After my stomachache subsided and the cavities were filled by the dentist, the glorious Christmas decorations and toys would be out in the stores. Never mind the fact that we hadn't even bought, cooked and swallowed our turkey dinner on Thanksgiving. Christmas was coming!! Yahoooooo! Then time began to creep by very, very, verrrrry slowly.

That was then. Back in the days of yore. And when dinosaurs roamed the earth. You see, my kids think we are ancient. All kids think their parents are when they are young. Now the stores are pushing Christmas, sometimes before Halloween is ever even considered. It seems like Halloween is even skipped over. Not a money maker I suppose.

Three years ago, a couple days after having Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella and I were out running errands. Christmas had exploded on the scene. It was October the eleventh. This made my two and a half year old Cinderella very pleased. I was left feeling like I was in some time warp and a panic swept over me as I realized I now had TWO kids! I was tired and worn out from just giving birth, having a newborn and a toddler and a house to run and it was about to be the end of me. A few months later I really struggled with something that only God and the King of the Crazies know about. I had postpartum depression and it took me almost a year to fight my way out to the other side. It was a hard time in my life and it was hard on my family but we came through stronger because of it. I will share more on this in a later post. I am starting to be of the mind set that if I can help someone, even just one person, I can get over the fact that it is embarrassing to admit.

A woman can have Post Partum Depression (or PPD) any time in the year after giving birth.

So, there you have it. It may feel like you are in some time warp or "Back in Time" a la Marty McFly, but...

MERRY HALLOW-GIVING!!

New Start

I have been a blogger since December 2006.  I decided to make this blog and not use our real names so as to feel safer and have some sense of anonymity in the blog world.  I don't want just anyone all up in my life.  As of now, I do not plan on continuing my other, private blog.  But that may change.  I am going to get it printed and then I suppose close it down.  Or not...

So, we begin.  I have missed writing.  I have always written.  In books, journals, in my mind and heart.  Always.  A lot of times no one but me and God know what I write and that is OK.  It is a good way for me to process my thoughts and feelings and move on.  This time, however, I am going to be more honest.  I am going to blog about the bad days and the good days.  At times, it seems I have more of the former than the latter but that is normal when raising young children.  No one is perfect and I would hate to make someone feel like they aren't "with it."  No mother is, I promise you.  For example,  I feel like a scatterbrained mess who can barely remember to dress herself each day.  How's that for honesty?!  AND I feel like I am in a sinking boat and all I have is a thimble to remove the filling, sinking boat!  Having two children is A LOT of work!  I can live through the bad because God loves me. He thinks I'm to die for.  (I saw that somewhere and I liked it.  He died for you and for me.)  He loves you too.  More than any of us could ever understand.   I can deal with the tantrums and crying and whining too.  And that's just the husband.  ;o)  With God, I can do anything.  My Mamaw (paternal) used to tell me she never prayed so much as she did raising three boys and a girl.  He helped her through her days and now He is helping me through mine.  I love my husband, The King of the Crazies. (Yes, I am laughing as I type that.)  He is home every night and does the bath time routine with the girls. He treats me well, I try to treat him well, and he works so I don't have to and so I can raise our girls.  Best of all, he loves me for me.  I can totally and completely be myself and he, himself.  I love my girls, Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty.  They are amazing and have some of the best of me and my husband in them.  But I am also amazed and humbled that God has entrusted us with their souls.  I feel undeserving and unworthy of these two precious blessings.  They are my miracles.  I will talk more about the fight with depression and infertility that I had to endure to even have my babies.  So, about the girls: They have beautiful souls, pure hearts and are each full of God's love.   Cinderella is in Kindergarten and Sleeping Beauty is home with me. Cinderella is sweet, has a giving heart, is such a helper, loves animals of all kinds and gorgeous.   Sleeping Beauty is wild, loud and crazy, tiny for her age and a gorgeous girl version of her father.  I will share more and more as time goes on about their personalities.  And boy, they have them.  BIG personalities.

I also want to discuss the Bible, God and my faith more.  The above paragraph reminded me of why we should all "Become as little children"  as The Bible says.  Matthew 18:1-5.  Children are pure, blameless (er, for the most part!  ;o) ) and most importantly they do not judge and they love anyone and everyone and all they ask in return is LOVE.

That's it for now.  The King of the Crazies took the princesses fishing and I am enjoying the quiet.


I am guessing I should have titled this entry - "All Over the Place."  :)