A Walk Down Memory Lane

Baby Jason

Today is my baby brother's 25th birthday.  Jason and I are several years apart in age.  Enough so that I remember when our parents told my sister and I that we would be having a baby brother or sister.  Amy and I wanted NEITHER one.  We wanted it to be "just the four of us!"

Jason and my mom

Needless to say that by the time Jason was due we had forgotten all about the fact that we didn't want another sibling.  We couldn't wait to have another sibling!  We'd run in to see if my mom was gone and having the baby.  Back then one would have to wait and see what they were having so we bought gender neutral toys and clothing.

Always into something

We had moved back from Italy and we were staying the summer with my maternal grandparents in Orlando.  I  still remember eating dinner on the way to meet him for the first time, wrapped toy in hand.  My Mamaw (mom's mom) was eating sooo slow.  (Turns out she eats even slower now and I also am a slow eater.  Haha)  I thought she'd never get done and we waited and waited.  We were all so excited.  Looking back, I think that is why she took longer than usual to eat her dinner at Morrison's Cafeteria. (Remember that place?)  She kept talking and talking.  He'd be her last grandchild, the previous being my sister about six years before.

Much like when my sister was born, I don't remember actually seeing him for the first time but I remember the love that I felt and that's all that matters. I gave him a small white toy, I think it was a cat, that attached to the crib and sang.  He kept that thing for years and wore it out.  Anyway, upon seeing him, I remember that I loved him immediately and I couldn't wait to hold him and make him my baby.  I was a second mother, my sister the third mother, and I remember racing home from the bus stop to feed him an afternoon bottle after school.

Of course after he got big enough to be into everything (and he was into EVERYTHING) my sister and I got quite annoyed.  Having a little person around was only cool when it met our needs and wants.  But like all siblings we loved one another even when we were squabbling and couldn't be in the same room.  :)  You know, because we were in trouble, not him.

The few times my mom and dad went out and got a babysitter I was always the one to tell her what to do and when to do it.  I am sure I was annoying. I even changed his diapers the whole time a sitter was there and they didn't seem to mind that at all.  :)  Jason prepared me to be a mom to my girls.  I had babies and already knew how to take care of them because of him and I loved taking care of him.  To this day Amy and I still look out for him and tend to "mother" him but we can't help it.  We probably always will.

Preschool photo

Wearing Dad's Navy gear

 As he got older, and my sister and I got older, he became the cute little brother I took out with me.  I'd take him to football games in high school and my friends would fawn all over him.  He ate it up.  And I was glad he was happy and that he felt so big that I took him out with me.

Jason and me making the same face! 1992

 He was in fourth grade when I graduated from high school.  It's crazy to think about.

In front of Old Faithful 1996 (the year I graduated)

Jason, me and Amy 1997

Jason, Paternal Grandpa and Dad

I have so many memories of Jason taking things apart and rebuilding them.  Or making a vacuum out of toys he had around the house.  He was and is very smart and can do anything he sets his mind to.

Baby Sassy!

Me, Amy and Jason 2000

My wedding day

 I moved out about a year after I graduated for a couple years for school but was back home a couple of years before I got married, so we did live together at home longer than I originally thought we would.  At times it was good and bad.  I was living at home because I had migraines, among other problems, and he was practicing the art of the guitar.  Not a good combo.  When I would hang out with Tim or Amy and Jon we'd usually invite him out with us.  Then he got his car and he got too cool for us.  ;)

Passed out at Amy's wedding (too many pictures!)

"Act like you love one another!"  July 2010

Jason ranks right up there on the favorite person list with both my girls and I can't imagine my life, or their lives, without him in it.  They have so much silly fun with him.  He's just a big kid at heart.

Sleeping Beauty following Jay-sing October 2010

Beach day! 2010

Waiting on Little Prince to be born in February 2011

He is one of the kindest people I know and I am not just saying that because he is my brother.  It is the truth.  He is loyal, almost to a fault, and has such a good heart.  He is one of the few genuinely good and nice people left in the world.  If you know and love him, you know what I mean.  










This next picture makes me laugh.  When I handed Little Prince to Jason in the hospital, Amy and I both told him to sit down first, like he was a five year old.  He did it with a smile on his face.  :)

Holding Little Prince for the first time February 2011

He'd do anything for his friends and family and give you the shirt off his back if you needed it.  And he'd never ask to be repaid for said shirt.  That's just who he is.

Jason at the kid table at a Sunday lunch - Spring 2011

I am so glad to have you as my little brother and so glad my girls have you in their lives. I can't imagine life without "Jay-sing."

Jason and me - today

And Jason with his two biggest fans - Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty

Happy birthday, Jason!  We love you and are so, so glad mom and dad had you 25 years ago!

The Little Prince Who Stole My Heart

This is a flashback picture of my nephew on the day he was born.  I loved him so much then and I love him and his mom (my sister) and his dad so much more now.  He has truly stolen my heart.  I can honestly say having him in my life has made me so much happier.  Not just because I get to love him forever but because he has completed my sister.  She is now who she was always meant to be.

 A mommy.

On Being a Big Sister and a Mom

"A sister is one of the nicest things that can happen to anyone." ~ Author Unknown 

Having my two girls has afforded me the opportunity to better understand my relationship with my own sister. I see a lot of myself in both girls but I also see some of my little sister in them. One of my girls may as well BE my sister or HER child, they are so similar. I am more sympathetic to the role of a younger sister now. I see the injustices that happen to the baby sister - waiting to get go to the Big Kid School, spend the night with friends and slumber parties, earn privileges and responsibilities, etc. The younger sister is told over and over again that they have to "get bigger first." Nothing appears to be fair to the younger one. Conversely, the baby gets away with more with mom and dad and they get to be The Baby with less responsibilities and expectations. Of course life is unfair and we all learn that early. It will only get more unfair the older we get. But there are injustices to being the older one too. Cinderella was forced to grow up faster than Sleeping Beauty. She was helping me with Baby Sleeping Beauty before she was even three years old. She had to become more independent in many ways because I always had a baby in my arms. And she did well but a part of my heart broke for her. She was no longer The Baby. The night before I had Sleeping Beauty (I just knew I'd have her the next day, and I did) we were finishing up dinner and sitting around talking. Cinderella had climbed up into her daddy's lap. 

Brand new Baby Me and my Mom

All was right with the world.


It was just The Three of Us. 

Little Me Circa 1979

Then I started crying.  I was 38 weeks and one day pregnant, tired and large.  Life was about to change BIG TIME.  I was a hot mess of hormones.  I suddenly (yes, just then) realized I'd have TWO GIRLS that depended on me for almost everything.  (I guess I should share at some point  how very hard this pregnancy was for me emotionally.  I cried A LOT at first.  I didn't think I could handle two kids but God knew better - thankfully.)  I am so glad I got through the dark times and can now enjoy my two girls.  But it is NOT easy and I do get tired, cranky and fed up.  I fall asleep praying I can parent one (you know who) the way she needs to be parented and that I have the strength and resolve to do so.   I may share more on the emotional aspects of my pregnancies and raising two girls at a  later date.  


My last birthday (2nd) as an only child  ;) with my dad:

I was ALL ABOUT Mickey and I do remember this cake.

Anyway, when I was asked what was wrong the night before I had Sleeping Beauty, I told The King of the Crazies, "Cinderella probably won't remember life before her sister."  It made me sad that she wouldn't be the center of our universe anymore and sadder still that she wouldn't remember the time when she was.  Now do NOT get me wrong.  She still is, but she shares the stage with her little sister.  Then right after I answered him I remembered all the fun I had growing up with a sister.  The tears were short lived and Cinderella happily grasped hold of her new, more grown up role of The Big Sister.  It took me a little longer, in all honesty, to get used to having two kids instead of one.  It wasn't until I was about three or four months out after having Sleeping Beauty that I felt even remotely capable of taking care of the both of them on my own.  Cinderella remembers bits and pieces of her life before Sleeping Beauty just as I remember bits and pieces of my life before my little sister came along.  But it wasn't necessarily a better life without our baby sisters - contrary to what I used to tell my sister  ;)  - before our sisters came into our lives and into our hearts...It was just different. And as I said, I remember very little of my life before being a Big Sister.  What I do recall comes to me in the form of flashback photos and often times it is random.  It is crazy how that is but I can remember some things in great detail.  After the addition of  a Baby Sister, for me and for Cinderella, there was more love, more hugs and more kisses to go around.  Best of all, they will ALWAYS have someone to play with just like I did and they share many of their friends even now.


"You keep your past by having sisters.  As you get older, they're the only ones who don't get bored if you talk about your memories."  ~Deborah Moggach


"We know one another's faults, virtues, catastrophes, mortifications, triumphs, rivalries, desires, and how long we can each hang by our hands to a bar.  We have been banded together under pack codes and tribal laws."  ~Rose Macaulay


I think this picture of me (right) with my mom and sister is HI-LARIOUS! 

Maybe still not sure about my new sister. 1980

"A sister is a gift to the heart, a friend to the spirit, a golden thread to the meaning of life."  ~Isadora James

Keeping my baby safe - early 80's

As sisters we share our childhood memories.  I saw this one going through my picture files and knew I had to post it for my sister:

"Sisters don't need words.  They have perfected a language of snarls and smiles and frowns and winks - expressions of shocked surprise and incredulity and disbelief.  Sniffs and snorts and gasps and sighs - that can undermine any tale you're telling."  ~Pam Brown


A sentence.  A glance.  A familiar smell or a facial expression between me and my sister can speak volumes.  It can speak years of history.  Some (most) of the best memories I have from my childhood have my sister right there with me.  I am hoping my girls have the same relationship with one another.


"You can kid the world.  But not your sister."  ~Charlotte Gray

Living it up in Italy 80's style!  (I am on the left.)

As is normal, growing up we did have squabbles.  Many of them were ugly.  Most of them involved clothes or makeup.  But we always moved past it fast and to this day I will forgive my sister faster than most anyone because I love her so much.  She (and her husband) are the people we (Tim and I)  entrust the kids with if something happened to both of us because she is the closest thing (or person) there is to me and it wouldn't be so hard on the kids to be without us if they had her.  With my girls, I do sometimes see "The Green Eyed Monster" (what my mom calls jealousy) but I try my best to keep jealousy and resentment at bay.  They are best friends.  They will know one another longer than they will know me and their daddy.  We are talking a lifetime here.  They are lucky to have each other. During fights that sentence almost seemed like a slap in the face to me and my sister.  Yet, it is true.  I tell my girls almost daily that they are "Lucky to have each other" and sometimes, for good measure, I throw in that you really don't get to live together for much of your life, I no longer live with my sister and I miss her, etc.   I sometimes get the response from Sleeping Beauty, "That's right.  Now, come here" while gesturing for her big sister to come and give her a hug.  :)


"Sister is probably the most competitive relationship within the family, but once the sisters are grown, it becomes the strongest relationship."  ~Margaret Mead

This is an older picture but I always liked it.

I have loved having a sister, even when she didn't love having me.  :)  Even when we didn't like each other, we always loved each other.  And if you don't know what I mean by that then you probably don't have a sister.  ;)  


"If you don't understand how a woman could both love her sister dearly and want to wring her neck at the same time, then you were probably an only child."  ~Linda Sunshine


Recently having a sister got even better.  Amy had probably figured this "perk" out about six years before me when she became on aunt. ;)  

Days old Baby Cinderella

And again about three and a half years ago...

Brand new Baby Sleeping Beauty

Three months ago she brought a little piece of herself into our world with her baby boy.  I loved him the second I knew he was on his way, even before I knew if he was a boy or girl.  I can't imagine living without him in my world and I can't remember how we ever did.  It seems he has always been a part of us just like my two girls and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Me and a week old prince

The bond of a sister is nearly unbreakable.  I can't imagine a time in my life without her there beside me and she obviously, being the younger sister, cannot imagine a time in her life without me.  I know I will always have her and she knows she will always have me.  And I hope the same is true for my two princesses.   

Somehow...

I have a feeling it will be.

"Bless you, my darling, and remember you are always in the heart - oh tucked so close there is no chance of escape - of your sister."  ~Katherine Mansfield

:o)

True Love

It is often said that you will love your own child more than you can fathom.  It is true.  It is instant.  The only words I can think of to describe how I love my girls are unconditionally, completely and fiercely.  


It it endless. 


When pregnant with Cinderella I did everything right, ate everything right and listened to my doctors.  I ended up on bed rest for the last part of the pregnancy and had some complications during delivery.  It was THEN the momma bear instinct came out in me.  I would fight through and I would have her and I would have her safely.  Almost six years later, I feel like I just went through over a day of labor and three hours of pushing.  Yet, the pain is distant and right after having delivered her I said I would do it allll again in a heartbeat.  It took a lot to get us to that point.  We fought, we prayed and we cried our way to having that baby. Cinderella is my sweet, loving, creative girl.


Right before Cinderella turned two I got pregnant again.  No infertility problems like with Cinderella, she seemingly willed herself into existence.  Cinderella was the first person I told.  She was shouting "Baby!  Baby!" when I told her father.  I had more sickness and nausea with this pregnancy than the previous one.  Having a toddler to chase probably didn't help matters.  She came about two weeks early because of placental abruption.  This is life threatening for both mother and baby.  I would do it all over again a million times to have my sweet and spicy Sleeping Beauty.  The delivery itself was easy and, at the doctor's urging,  I reached down and brought her into this world myself.  Love at first sight all over again.  :)  Sleeping Beauty is a force to be reckoned with, does everything at 150% and has an infectious smile.  


A few days ago I learned this same fierce, complete, unconditional love to be true about my sister's baby as well.  I loved him from the moment I heard he was on his way - before we even knew he was a "he."  But seeing the picture my dad sent to me of my little sister holding her baby in the operating room - I lost my heart.


She and her husband finally had their baby boy.  I say finally because getting him here took a lot of wishing, hoping and praying.   Nine months later a big bundle of joy was upon us and we could not be more in love with him.  We have gladly handed over our hearts to him.  He is our little prince.  On my blog, this will be his nickname.  :o)  


Little Prince is adorable.  He has a lot of light brown hair, chubby cheeks and a chin dimple I could get lost in.  He loves being in his mommy's arms and eating.  That's about all we know about him thus far but that is enough.  I love him completely and would lie down in front of a train to save his life, no questions asked, just like I would for my own daughters.  (Dramatic?  Why yes, I am nothing if not dramatic.)  I, honestly, was not prepared for that feeling.  I assume my sister and her husband are shocked at how much love their hearts can now hold.  I know I was when I had Cinderella.  The heart is an amazing thing!  


Please go here and welcome my nephew!  Congratulations, Amy and Jon!  Thank you for giving us all a sweet, sweet boy to love for the rest of our lives.  You were both born to be parents, I have seen it in the way you are with my girls.  I love the three of you to the moon and back.  :o)

Me and my nephew

(I will post more pictures after they share theirs.) 

...

Still here...


Appointment went well with the Pediatric Pulmonologist. 


We have an asthma treatment plan as well as new medicines both for preventative measures and for when she is sick and has a flare up.  It's expensive and takes a lot of my time getting things ready and cleaned, dried, set up.   Not to mention keeping the equipment away from the little hands that could lose them!  ;)


I am trying to get used to all this and learning more about asthma.  I am still pretty clueless but am doing what I can to help my baby girl.


Prayers would be great.  I am pretty wound up between all this and my nephew's arrival within the next three weeks or so.  We would like (NEED) him to come before his due date.  His Mommy is ready and he's a growing boy!  :)  This is her first baby and it took a lot of prayers to get him here.  Pray God keeps them both safe.

BaBy ShOwEr

My sister had her baby shower today and we had a great turn out.  Here are the hostesses, Amy in the middle, and a couple of kids who insisted on being in the picture.

So, this is for my sister who is 36 weeks along with her first, a boy.


"Song for a 5th 1st Child" by Ruth Hamilton 

Babies Don't Keep

Mother, oh Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing and butter the bread,
Sew on a button and make up a bed.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She's up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I've grown shiftless as Little Boy Blue
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
(Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo).
The shopping's not done and there's nothing for stew
And out in the yard there's a hullabaloo
But I'm playing Kanga and this is my Roo.
Look! Aren't her eyes the most wonderful hue?
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo)

"I was worth the wait."

"Mommy's mane man" (It has a lion on the front.)

The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
For children grow up, as I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.

 

 She got some much needed help. ;)

 On the way home from the shower Cinderella said, "I know Amy will love her baby so much because she wanted him so bad.  When she didn't have a baby in her tummy I prayed and prayed God would give her one because she wanted one a lot.  I am so glad it worked."  From the mouths of babes...