Tuesday, April 12, 2011

The Goose Attack

Sleeping Beauty and I had many errands to do today.  I had to either return or exchange things in three different stores.  We went to an outside mall.  I started off with the intent to go in to Target. As I pulling up I saw a Canada (or Canadian?) Goose bullying a small bird.  I took note of this face and went in the store:

Looks harmless and innocent, huh?  Not so much.  This is an "after picture."

After what?  

You will find out, keep reading.  :)  

After Sleeping Beauty and I went in to Target we headed in to Old Navy.  I do not enjoy see through shirts so I wanted my money back.  Sleeping Beauty wanted to be in her stroller so she was still in it and I dropped our Target stuff off in the car.  As I was shutting the door I saw him.  Our eyes met across the parking lot.  He ran toward me as I walked toward him.  I just wanted on the other side of him but he wanted me.


Me and my three year old.  

He decided to go after us.  He was right by us, chasing us down with his mouth open and an ugly hiss.  I just tried to ignore him and pressed on.  I was afraid he'd try to attack us or something but quickly shut that possibility from my mind.  We didn't have food.  I guessed he was just ornery or territorial.  

Little did I know how wrong I was.

We made it in and got my money back for the see through shirt.  As we were exiting the store Sleeping Beauty was telling me she was worried about the "fat mean duck."  She didn't want to see him ever again.  I told her he probably wasn't there but that if he was we'd just walk along and ignore him as we did before.

The moment I pushed the stroller out of the store I saw him.  He was sitting down. He was exactly in the middle between where we were standing and where our car was parked.   Our eyes locked and he stood up and started toward us.  Sleeping Beauty started talking about him and realized we were headed toward him and that he KNEW us.  She did not like this one bit.  I didn't either but I assured her we'd be all right.  He was a goose.  Puh - lease.

We met at about the halfway point.  There was no other way to go.  We were going to pass him again.  The hissing and lunging at us began again.  We still didn't have any food.  Why did he care?!  

That's when it happened.

A car was coming up behind me and I guess he panicked.  He took flight.  He came at me and we were eye to eye.  I was waving my arms about trying to get him out of my grill.  To no avail.

The car behind me watched in horror.  He gave up on me.  The goose took to attacking Sleeping Beauty.  I did what any mom would do.  I raised my weapon:

and I fought back.   

He was a stubborn and robust beast. It took several hits.  I was swinging like a mad woman.  I got sweaty (it was in the 90's today) and a little frantic.  He finally left us alone and the car was able to get by.  Sheila (the purse) had saved us.  Sleeping Beauty was pretty calm during it all.  She knew my weapon and I would save the day.

When I was back to the safe confines of my car I wiped her (the purse) down with an antibacterial wipe.  :) 

I am a gluton for punishment so we went back an hour or so later to see if he was still there.  We stayed in the car.  He was still there.  He stood up and locked eyes with me again.  The hissing began and then he started pecking at my car!!  I put the pedal to metal and we were out of there!

An accident (not us) and rain made our trip home twice as long and the husband had to get the big girl from school.  UGH!

Never, ever get near a goose if you can help it.  EVER.  I hope I never cross his path again.  This is how we left him.  He is a menace to society. 

I mean, seriously, WHO does THIS happen to?!  


  1. This is the reason why I don't like birds!!!!

  2. Funny and crazy all at the same time.

  3. Ha! That is hilarious! Maybe you got his favorite parking spot or something :)

  4. Kelly, only you! Thanks for sharing this great story! It made me laugh!


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