It Was All Just A Very Bad Idea...

I'm back with yet another Cooking Catastrophe.  I have many.  It's why people love me.  Er, or not. Perhaps it is the reason why my children cringe when I enter the kitchen.  I jest.  But not really.   I actually overheard Sleeping Beauty asking Cinderella the other night, "I wonder what gross thing Mommy made for dinner tonight?"  It doesn't hurt my feelings and I do laugh about it.  I am learning new things every day and am doing better than anyone thought I would in the kitchen.  But, there are still stories I have to share - just for a laugh and I hope you do enjoy.  We laugh about this particular dish A LOT.   Anyway, this recipe is a what I call a Hall of Famer.  A Hall of Famer Recipe in my kitchen is not a good thing.  It means it went straight from the oven, stove or slow cooker to the trash can.  Do not pass go, do not stop at the kitchen table and serve it to my family.  


Meet what I call "I Would Rather Die Than Eat It Maple Dijon Chicken with Sweet Potatoes."  We didn't eat it.  I couldn't even entertain the idea.  Hindsight is almost always 20/20 and still I cannot believe I did not see the disaster that this would become.


The word "Dijon" made me think of "Pardon me, do you have any Grey 
Poupon?"  It was all very posh.  Very now.


And as my husband says, "Uneatable." 


The food I wasted:
-3/4 pounds chicken breasts
-1 onion chopped
-3 chopped up garlic cloves
-3 Tbs maple syrup
- 2 Tbs dijon mustard
- 1 tsp thyme
- 2 sweet potatoes peeled and chopped
-1 c. chicken broth
- 2 bay leaves


The steps I took make it horrid:
I put the chicken, onion, garlic, Dijon mustard and maple syrup in the slower cooker and stirred it all up.  Then I put the sweet potatoes on top and poured on the broth and topped it with the bay leaves. I cooked it for 6 hours on low.


...And then I threw it away.


Again, I should have seen this one coming...It was all too reminiscent of the "Friends" episode where Rachel makes a trifle with meat, jam, custard and lady fingers, etc.  Joey eats it and says, "What's not to like? Custard, good. Jam, good. Meat, good!"


Maple syrup and dijon mustard and an onion?  Bad, bad, bad! 


People, none that live here mind you, seem to like it.  I have seen similar recipes all over the web.  It just all went very wrong.  The onion was overbearing.  The Dijon and the maple syrup were just weird.  BLUH!


For lack of a better word, it was BOOOOOOOO!


When my husband went back to work the next day and told coworkers about it a lady said, "Those ingredients do not go together!!"  I wish I had realized that before I wasted all of that food!  It was NOT something we wanted to eat.  Ever.

Cooking Catastrophes: Chicken A La Poop

Because I have been blogging since 2006 I have learned there are some things best not shared. Many times I "ask permission" to post some things. Since this only makes me look bad funny, and I have permission to share dialog between me and my husband, I will continue...

Brace yourselves.

I come from a long line of GREAT cooks. My sister is also an amazing cook and it wasn't until typing this that I realized my little brother can cook too! He's in school to be a chef. I can't believe I had never connected those dots before!! Oh, the humanity!! Anyway, my family can cook. And they cook very well and make very good food. Me? Not so much. Try as I might I still have problems. There was a time I figured I'd learn to cook when I had to (AKA had kids). I have two kids. I can cook but some of it is not edible or "uneatable" as my husband says. I have, on more than one occasion, walked right from the stove top or oven to the trash can and dumped in our dinner. More than I care to admit I probably should have thrown away what I have cooked and served to my husband and kids. I eat it too. (Shudder.)

My husband and I can laugh about it. I know it's not a strong point. A few weeks back he ruffled my feathers about something else and I said I wasn't going to cook for him anymore. His response: "You promise?!"

Anyway, I have made "Cooking Catastrophes" a category and have some stories to share. I am positive I have more catastrophes in me. Today's story is from last week. I made a recipe I found online. What could go wrong? A lot. It was called Creamy Broccoli Chicken and while I will not post the link to it I will post the recipe at the end. We all like chicken, broccoli and most things cooked in the slow cooker. I expected to smell broccoli upon my return home. What I did not expect was to smell the reek BEFORE I even got in the door. It was bad, dude. Really bad.

Sleeping Beauty walked in and said, "Oh no! I think Princess Furry Pants pooped in the house!!"

I was ashamed when I said, "It's your dinner," with a smile.

My mom was with us and we had a good laugh. I told her the King of the Crazies would not go for it. I mean, I didn't even want it and I made it!

My eyes were watering, if I'm being honest. A couple hours later, when the husband got home (he had fair warning dinner reeked) he came in and the look on his face said it all. He then said (I have cleaned it up), "I've got to use the bathroom and breathe some fresh air." Take from what you will the meaning of that sentence. It means what you think it means.

It was that bad.

It tasted good (I have made worse) but not good enough to rave over and not good enough to justify the smell. I added some cheddar cheese soup to it or you could add shredded cheese to the top. That is if you don't mind your home smelling like a poop, but worse. I served the poop chicken over rice.

I will never make it again but here's the recipe:

1 can Cream of Broccoli Soup
boneless chicken breasts (as many as you need) - I buy the frozen ones with 6-7 in a bag - approx. 3 pounds
1 bag frozen broccoli
salt and pepper
1 cup milk

Place chicken in the crockpot. Cover with broccoli and cream of broccoli soup. Add salt and pepper to taste. Cook on LOW 6 to 8 hours or HIGH 3 to 4 hours. (Boneless chicken breasts might be dry if cooked too long.) Add milk about 45 minutes before done, or 30 minutes if cooking on high. Leave your home never to return. Oh, wait. That's just wishful thinking. ;) I promise you will wish you never came home if you make this.

Keep checking back. I have a big announcement to make in a couple days. :oP